Fluttered

I write at times when I can have no verbal words to express my emotion,
As of late I have felt a large weight as if placed upon my very being,
Weighing me down in such succession to pale these bright days in my sight,
Odd though when this feeling took hold,
Scattered a thought I once held so strong,
Something I felt held meaning,
Held some sort of standing with the other person who shared such times,
But as it all fell together,
It fell to ash too quickly for a fire to even take time to scorch such things,
Emotionally torn,
As reason took hold and things were not even acted on,
Just a back thought to all other actions,
Maybe I was not worth the time just to create a smile,
To bring all I would to the table and not even wince at any sign of fear,
Jumping into dark waters which I would usually fear the most,
So know I have to tell myself how all this fell to ash,
All close at hand and gone just as so,
A broken heart,
Not from love or any emotion of the sort,
Maybe even the fact that friendship and a real caring feeling can just be thrown,
Gone in this darkness of life never to be scene again,
All may seem gone,
But it's because I write for I have no other way to demonstrate this frustration